I’ve decided to let you good people follow along while this progresses rather than wait until I have some long unwieldy thread. God I hope he IMs me.

—– Original Message —-
From: Vincent Hong <richpell@warwick.net>
Sent: Tue, April 20, 2010 11:10:08 AM
Subject: Project

Hello,

I have a business proposition for you.Upon recieving your response, a complete insight will be provided to you.My private email is vincenthong36736@yahoo.cn

Vincent Hong.
vincenthong36736@yahoo.cn

发件人: Andy Fox <andyfox1979@yahoo.com>
主题: Re: Project
收件人: 436464hong@gmail.com
抄 送: vincenthong36736@yahoo.cn
日期: 2010年4月20日,周二,下午2:59

Hello Vince,

Far be it from me to tell a grown man how to operate his computer machine but before we get started on this business project/proposition of yours I want to help already: when you want someone to write you back at a certain email address, just write the email from that address! Dig that!

Please send me info about your business idea as i’ve always been very business minded having one time sold a hammer to my neighbor Larry for higher than the retail price I paid. I think that example should let you know what kind of shark you’re dealing with here.

—————————
Andy Fox

From: Vincent Hong <vincenthong36736@yahoo.cn>
To: Andy Fox <andyfox1979@yahoo.com>
Sent: Tue, April 20, 2010 3:26:46 PM
Subject: More Details

Dear Friend, Thanks alot for your interest in partnering with me! I sure like to tell you that we will gain alot from this transaction but there are some certain things we must do to achieve this…However let me give you a comprehensive note what this is about. I am Mr.Vincent Hong, Non Executive Director of Hang Seng Bank Ltd, Hong Kong. An Iraqi named Haider Hanoon,a business man made a numbered fixed deposit of Forty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch.. Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even during the war, Seven years ago (2003). Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later found out that Haider Hanoon and his family had been killed during the war in Gunfire that hit their home at Mukaradeeb. After further investigation it was also discovered that Haider Hanoon did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Forty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration seven years six months the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds. Be informed that the fact that you are a foreigner give you the privilege to stand in as my deceased client beneficiary as my deceased had no relation all his family died with him during the war and i can not use my relation because its not accepted here in Hong Kong. Also I am very confident that we will be able to establish the trust that is needed to complete this deal and all that I need for now is your willingness and commitment so that we can end this in the next two weeks. What you need to understand about this transaction is that I will make sure that it passes through all international banking laws regards to this I will take care of the cost of retaining the service of my Attorney to give the transaction the proper documentation that is required to perfect the finishing.Your only obligation in this transaction is to accept to stand in as the only existing beneficiary of my deceased client and you will have to set up offshore account that can accommodate the funds with my principal bank which I will give you information later once we finalize this deal. Further more I sending you my personal information below; Name:Mr.Vincent Hong Address:60, Deep Water Bay Road,Deep Water Bay,Hong Kong .. Fax:+85230177756 Phone: +8821644418523 Phone: +852-8197-0356 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              +852-8197-0356      end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              +852-8197-0356      end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              +852-8197-0356      end_of_the_skype_highlighting I hope that the above is well clear to you,if so kindly send me the following; 1. Your Full Name which will be used to prepare the legal paper 2. Your Current Home Address which will be used to prepare the legal paper 3. Your Personal Phone Number 4. Nature Of Job Mind your names and address will be used by my Attorney to prepare the needed documents that will back you up as the sole beneficiary of my deceased client funds while I shall contact you with your phone number for further discussions. Once again thanks for your interest and willingness to partner with me in pulling out my late client funds from my bank,I am anticipating to reading from you very soon. Sincerely Vincent Hong Phone: +852-8197-0356 Phone: +8821644418523

From: Andy Fox
To: Vincent Hong
Sent: Tue, April 20, 2010 6:40:46 PM
Subject: re: More Details

Shit were you drunk when you wrote that? Haha. Sometimes I write rambling emails to people when i’m drunk… Talk about  TL:DR! Well from skimming your email I get the idea that some iraqi bought the farm and he left you a lot of money and you want to give it to me and want me to then share some with you.

I have not only a HSBC account (HK) but also a Hang Seng account (HK) and a China Construction Bank account (PRC)  =and a Bank Of America account!! boooya!! So you can shoot me the money to any one of those.  Even if you’re a bad shot it’s gonna be hard to miss all of those accounts! Joking!

Im sorry to hear about the iraqi guy and his violent death I hope that allah the most forgiving and peaceful didn’t let any of his fluids hit that beautiful US money during the incident. Joking!

As you can see I like joking but even more than joking I like US dollars. Let’s rock.

]]> http://myredchina.com/2010/hong-kong-calling/feed/ 7 http://myredchina.com/2009/turning-chinese-spitting-and-littering/ http://myredchina.com/2009/turning-chinese-spitting-and-littering/#comments Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:55:05 +0000 admin http://myredchina.com/?p=121
I have always been one to spit, or to cough up phlegm and then spit it out. People think I do this because I’m learning from the Chinese but really I’ve always done this.

In Hong Kong, it’s illegal to spit on the ground. “You will get a penalty!” my friend warned me. A penalty I guess is like a ticket. 1500 Hong Kong Dollars ($150) to be exact.

Also, I’m a bit of a litterbug when it comes to small things: cigarettes, wrappers, etc. In China the ground is your trashcan, in Hong Kong they take a similar stance to spitting, although there are trashcans everywhere with messages like “Love Our City!”.

If you’re eating something with shells or bones, in China they go on the ground. I would imagine you’d get thrown out of a restaurant in the US for this but really it’s easier for them to hire someone low waged to sweep it all up than to have waiters clean all the tables.

Walk around late at night on a busy street in a city in China and it looks like hell: shells, bones, lettuce, broken Tsingtao bottles, noodles, rice, misc rubbish, etc. By morning it’s as clean as a whistle. A dirty, smelly, chinese made whistle. But it looks clean!

I like this sort of thing.

Of course the seafood areas reek like seafood because it has so permeated the streets and sidewalks, but shouldn’t seafood areas smell like seafood?

I’ve been reading William Faulkner. In fact I read anything I can get my hands on here. Part of me wishes that I was out here writing a novel or script instead of internet businessing but that’s stupid because I can write a novel or a script if I want to and I don’t seem to do it.

I have an idea for a script called The Gwailo (or maybe The Wai Lao)– both terms mean white devil or ghost devil or whatever kind of nasty words they have for us crackers here in China.

Anyhow, here’s my pitch:

A white businessman gets off an airplane in Hong Kong. He is dressed in bell bottoms like Chuck Norris 30 years before him when he was summoned to fight Bruce Lee. Ok not bell bottoms but they’re a little wide at the bottom.

He has a purpose.

He checks into his hotel and then meets with a shady looking Mainland businessman.The businessman brings him a suitcase, a bottle of fine whiskey and a gigantic basket of fruit. As soon as the businessman leaves he heaves the basket of fruit off the balcony into a dumpster below. Swish!

What a shitty gift a basket of fruit is for a man.

The woman he loves has been taken as collateral on a multi-million dollar deal gone wrong between her father and this fat businessman. I didn’t mention before that the Mainland businessman is fat but he is.

Our Gwailo has a 5 o’clock shadow 15 minutes after shaving which lets you know that he probably is quite virile and eats 16 penny nails and drywall screws for breakfast.

He opens the suitcase and there is a series of photographs with money amounts on them. They are all pictures of ugly, bleached hair, long pinky nail, mole with hair growing out of it backwards Hong Kong gangsters.

You might be wondering why he’s going through all this trouble until suddenly we pan to a photo of the woman he loves.

She’s Chinese but she has like these insane 34D tits and this look about her like you’d probably trust her around your wallet while you’re in the shower but not with like $500,000 in Swiss Bank Bonds and a one way ticket to Kuala Lampur if you catch my drift. If you don’t what I mean is that she’d steal the money and fly to Kuala Lampur. Our Gwailo likes women with this look, as do a lot of bad ass dudes who would stick an ice pick into your neck and never look over their shoulder once.

Violence you say? Yeah there’s violence. Lots of it. Creative violence. Chopsticks with small knife blades inside of them that can be loaded into a makeshift gun or used manually. An irakanji jellyfish to the face. I dont want to give away all the cool violence.

Our man goes around cleaning up Hong Kong’s underworld one sweaty Armani Exchange jumpsuited dicknose at a time. The papers begin reporting it and suddenly everyone is terrified of Gwailos. In one scene, a pudgy lawyer looking guy is given a wave by as he enters the subway from a group of youth punks. This would never happen you see.

Anyhow thats all i’ve got. I will need some plot twists and other characters. I though it’d be funny if he didn’t know it at first but the money amounts on the pictures weren’t in US Dollars but in Hong Kong dollars and this Gwailo is shown as an old man, still having to kill all of these now also old men gangsters because the exchange rate is so bad. But that’s prob not a good idea.

Pretend I didn’t mention this.

An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn’t know why they choose him and he’s usually too busy to wonder why. William Faulkner