If you said ‘take the elevator’ give yourself a pat on the back. You’re gonna go far.

Using an elevator in China is different than using one in other places.

Let’s begin.

Getting Started

Walk up to the elevator and push the button several times.

Now pace around and look at the floor numbers that the other elevators are on.You must be very serious about this. If you’ve ever seen stressed out stock brokers staring at the different stock tickers make your face look like this.

When you’ve found a winner stand in front of the door. No scoot up, you’re like a mile from the door. 1.5 feet away minimum.

If you’re elevator bingo skills (knowing which elevator will arrive at your floor first) are bad and you’ve miscalculated just walk quickly to the correct elevator.  Someone will likely be waiting at that same elevator but feel free to stand in a more optimum entry point than they are.

It’s their fault they aren’t standing closer or blocking you.

Let’s Get On

The door opens and the first thing you might notice are other humanoids trying to exit the elevator. But you’re trying to go in the elevator.

Two roads you can take here:

1. Wait patiently for the 5 or 6 seconds it takes for the annoying not-you elevator riders to disembark.

2. Walk right on in.

If you picked #2 you’re a natural at riding elevators in China.

You’re In

Now that you’re in stand as close to the door as possible. Remember this is a means of transportation and not a 5 star resort; the goal here is in and out.

If you can, stand as close to the control box as possible– i mean so close that others can’t press their floor number– and if you can,  operate this complex machine yourself.

I’ve highlighted the only two important buttons for you in the image above: your floor and the close door button.

Now you’ll notice something interesting at this point. Remember those assholes earlier that were getting out of the elevator as you were getting on?

New problem: several different assholes are now trying to get into your elevator.

This is sort of just the nature of riding elevators but there is something you can do to mitigate lost time or inconvenience: see the close door button?

Use it and use it often.

Scenario A

An elderly man is trying his best to make it to the elevator before the door closes but the old legs don’t work like they once did.

Scenario B

An attractive businesswoman is running late and is jogging towards the elevator you’re in. The door is closing.

For both of these scenarios the proper response is the door close button.

During Your Travels

You’re moving on up! While traveling be sure to stare at people in the elevator. If everyone is staring at one person they’ve done the research for you. Stare at that person too.

Now you notice that it’s taking an extra 5 seconds for the door to close. The reason: some burnout is standing in front of the controls but is not using the close door button judiciously. Simply nudge your way in front of him, give him a dissatisfied look and groan, and show him how it’s done.

When it’s time to exit at your floor break this down to the bare essentials. Mentally draw a straight line out of the elevator and walk it.

Extended Learnings

After awhile you’ll notice that you’re getting to your floor faster and with less people to slow you down, but if you’re not crushing at least one person per week with the elevator doors you’re doing something terribly wrong.

Legend has it that a seasoned Elevator Operator in Beijing once crushed 35 people in the elevator doors in a single day.

We can dream, can’t we?