Welcome to take the Shenzhen Taxi. Please buckle up your seat belt and exit on the right.
This message plays after the driver dips the red vacant sign that starts the meter. One of the first things that you’ll notice is that there isn’t a female end for the seat belts. And you’ll wish there was.
so from what i understand i put key in and then try and crash pedestrian, correct?
My first cab ride in China was terrifying. It didn’t start that way.
Ni Hao, Na Lia.
I asked if I could smoke in his cab and he said I could and that he would smoke too.
Cab rides start off slow. They never start in 1st gear because they think starting in second will save them gas money. Of course this ruins the transmission, which is a lot more expensive than gas, but I guess they don’t care. So by the time you rattle up to speed its as if you just robbed a bank and the police are hot on your trail:
Zooming in and out of traffic. Honking and menacing pedestrians. Cutting people off. Sharing lanes that weren’t meant to be shared.
My first cab ride I was like, whoa my cab driver is driving like an asshole.
Is my taxi driver an asshole? He doesn’t seem like an asshole but why is he driving like this?
After awhile you realize they all drive like assholes, unless they’re really old, and when they are it’s weird that you miss the asshole drivers because while it is terrifying you do get places quickly.
Another thing about taxi drivers is that if they don’t want to take you somewhere they’ll pretend to not understand you. Just sit there and say yes over and over and repeat your destination. They don’t like my street because theres a lot of restaurants and traffic and it makes it difficult for them to get another ass in the seat quickly.
Also expect to listen to either shitty cantonese ballads or talk radio that sounds really rehearsed and polite. If the driver hears a song he likes he’ll turn it up and rock out and sometimes sing along.
If you see two cabs and one has a GPS thing on the dash pick the one without it. The driver with the GPS is a new driver and probably doesn’t know where anything is and unless your chinese is good you’ll be fucked.
Some quick tips:
- Save business cards to places you go often or learn to say their chinese name
- Save your address in chinese on your phone somewhere so you can just show it to them.
- If you feel like they’re taking you the long way just keep asking where they are going. This makes them think you know a faster way and basically tells them to cut the crap.
- It says no smoking but you can smoke in 99% of taxis
- You can also drink alcohol in Taxis
- I’m not sure about eating in the taxi as portable food isn’t super popular in China
- Most taxis have annoying advertising monitors behind the front seats which have sort of an iPhone interface where you can select different ads or crap games. Believe me there is nothing good to look at on those. Turn them off as soon as you get inside the cab.
- The driver will always ask you where you’re from (if you’re clearly a foreigner). When you say Mei Gua (if you’re from America) they will usually give you a thumbs up and say “America is very good”. I’ve had this exact conversation 1,000 times. I just nod, yeah it’s good, thanks, China is good too.
- If you’re waiting for a cab and you see one and wave him down don’t think that just because you waved it down some bastard (Hun Dan, I learned a new word) won’t walk up and jump in right in front of you. It’s happened to me twice. Two other times it almost happened and I said “no no no, you can’t, i am very angry” and they stepped aside.
- Strangers do not share cabs in China. Forget that possibility.
- Don’t take unmarked taxis. It’s just a hassle and they’ll usually rip you off.
And fellow Shenzhen Wai Laos, stop tipping the taxis. Everytime I give them 20 kuai on a 16 kuai ride its taking longer and longer to get my change. I know why this is happening. Stop it.
