Enjoy!

I think that type of woman wants to be loyal (pronounced like “royal”) and give her heart to just one man but there’s a badness burning inside her. A unconscious badness. An unnameable badness that burns quietly at her core the way a candle burns quietly inside of a jackolantern. A jack o lantern with insane, impossible roundies.

The kind of badness that makes you shoplift petty items when you can well afford them. The kind that always tells you that you cannot trust anyone, even those who you know you can trust, you can’t trust. You must press on. Your boobs will never truly be loved by one man forever. Even if you get married in a country that grants dissolution of assets you still only have 250,000 (less after Cracker McCracken hits his drinking problem days). And the plane leaves in 2 hours.

Let’s flesh this one out a little. It’s difficult to find real stories of beautiful women who’ve stolen large sums, since they mostly don’t need to. Things are so often willingly handed over to them by dudes pathetically buying their way in, so to speak. Would it require a woman with connections but maybe too lazy to gold-dig and some desperation, maybe something to do with her family or an addiction? If the woman in the photo is hooked on smack, please fly her to my hovel for Christmas.