My Chinese New Year

I dropped my friend Li Hong Yen at the train station last night and there was a sea of Chinese people there heading home.  Well actually not quite heading home, waiting to head home on a train where they sometimes have to stand for dozens of hours.

It was shocking to see all those people camped out  there but what was more shocking is that they weren’t mad to be waiting around like that. They seemed happy actually.

To better explain Chinese New Year in Guangdong Province (you might know it by its old name, Canton, i.e. Cantonese) you have to start from the beginning.

When an average Chinese person reaches working age in a rural area they have a few options:  farm, get married/have kids, or go work in a big city at a factory and then move on to a better job.

Doing this last one, is to “go out”, or Chuqu.

I asked my friend Li Hong Yen about this time period  and she said “I finished school. I had not much to do, not so much money or skills. I was bored. So I went out.”

The interesting thing about going out in China is that so many people do it that it’s an ingrained part of their culture. Parents in the US get worried when their kids go away to a sanitized University– imagine setting out on your own to work in some dirty factory for god knows how long. They don’t feel sorry for themselves about it nor do they think it’s weird. If you stay in your hometown you have a pretty good idea about how that will be, going out means endless possibilities.

One thing they report is that their parents constantly ask them when they’ll be married and to only marry someone from their province. To put this into perspective, imagine a girl from Davenport, Iowa goes to New York City and her family tells her to only date boys from Western Iowa while in NYC.

Often they work in factories, and it sucks, but it’s only for a year and to save money. Most factory workers are women, most are between 17-19. In some sense, it’s too bad that the US thinks we’re too good and clean to have factories. I think there’s a lot of aimless 18 year olds that would be happy to work at a factory while they sorted out what it is they want to do. Li Hong Yen worked at a factory, “We made shoes” she said like you might say you just made cookies. Someone needs to make shoes, after all. Now she works in merchandising for an import/export company and lives in an apartment and not a dormitory.

In China, leaving home, family and friends and working yourself silly a thousand miles away is seen as a rite of passage.

Case in point, there’s a Taiwanese song from 1979 (the year I was born, incidentally) called “The Olive Tree” that is about Taiwanese people traveling far away for school and work. Because of all the Chuquing going on in mainland China it became a hit with those who had chosen to go out.

The main chorus is:

Don’t ask me where I’m from. My hometown is far away. Why wander so far? For the olive tree in my dreams

So i’m back at the train station and there’s all these people and they are sleeping, reading books, playing checkers, talking, cooking food— just hanging out waiting. While this seems like it sucks, I think past generations of Americans in the military have gone through this and made some of the best bonds and memories of their lives. It’s this struggle that makes people happy, ultimately, I think. Modern America has reduced, and continues to, reduce the amount of struggle people have to endure. But without the struggle we have no payoff. We need a payoff.

Today I called Li Hong Yen to see how she was getting on (16 hours into her train ride) and she said that she had to call me later because she was playing cards with some people on the train.

When she arrives in her hometown, along with her other family who’ve traveled a comparable distance, everyone will let loose and party for the next 10 days or so because they probably won’t see each other until next spring festival and it was so hard to get there.

This got me thinking about the people I know from Canada and how they are such fun-loving, satisfied  people and I think I nailed it down to the fact that in Canada is very cold for most months out of the year and there’s only a short time when you can be outside and enjoy the summer weather.

I contrasted both of these thoughts with being from Los Angeles where have a surfeit of good weather (and presumably free time that is easily had) and because of that we don’t enjoy our free time or our good weather. Wealth is wasted on the old and youth is wasted on the young.

Back to the Canadians, their version of The Olive Tree is a song by Ian Tyson that Neil Young (a Canadian also) did a better job with called Four Strong Winds. The song, according to friends from Canada, is their unofficial national anthem because they can all relate to having to live their life and have fun when they can before the terrible winter starts.

Here are some lyrics from that song:

Think I’ll go out to Alberta
Weather’s good there in the fall
I got some friends that I could go working for
Still I wish you’d change your mind if I asked you one more time
But we’ve been through this a hundred times or more

Four strong winds that blow lonely
Seven seas that run high
All those things that don’t change
Come what may
If the good times are all gone
The I’m bound for moving on
I’ll look for you if I‘m ever back this way

If I get there before the snow flies and if things are looking good
You could meet me if I send you down the fare
But by then it would be winter
Not too much for you to do
And those winds sure can get cold way out there

The good times are all gone
So I’m bound for moving on
I’ll look for you if I’m ever back this way

So despite my pushing and screaming, i’ve had a cultural experience here in China. I respect and in some ways, envy, their Chinese New Year and how it’s a scarce period of rest like how Canada has a short window of good weather.  Things  in a lot of ways are too easy for those from warm, urban areas. We take too much for granted and as a result do little with the time or resources that we have.

For example, I’ll never know how it feels to spend a week with family after traveling 20 hours by train and working for the past 11 1/2 months a thousand miles from home. Or how summer feels after a hellish winter. China has hellish winters too, only adding to their misery+relief happiness when it’s all over with. Those lucky Hun Dans (this means bastards but I doubt its pluralized with an S like english is).

Here’s Neil Young and some of his friends singing about Canada:


NEIL YOUNG “Four Strong Winds” (live)

Oh, about my Chinese New Year. My best friend is coming to visit and we’re going to fuck around in China for awhile then go to Boracay Beach in the Philippines.

I hope a couple of assholes like us from LA— tired, balding, 30 years old, unmarried, collared shirt depressed office monkeys– will be drinking a cold beer in 80 degree weather looking at this beautiful turquoise water.

And will actually realize how long it took us to get here.

Toilet Paper & Bags

Not sure what it is but in China the two most safely guarded resources are : toilet paper (qi jin) and plastic bags (tai zah).

For instance none of the bathrooms are equipped with toilet paper, unless you’re at a fancy hotel or restaurant. They expect you to carry it around with you.

Now if you go to a store and  buy a crapload of stuff, say 5 40 ouncers of Tsingtao, they’ll be like “Ni Tai zah ma?” (You want a bag?).

Bag prices range from a few Mao (very small amount of money not measurable in American money.. lets say its equal to letting a person smell a dollar you have or put a penny in their mouth and then you taking it back) to maybe 1 Yuan (.14 cents).

The amazing thing is if you say yes, what with your 5 forties of Tsingtao and all they sort of look at you like “Well hello mr big spender”.

The other day I almost crapped my pants at the mall and tracking down toilet paper was a race against the clock to save the United States from a terrorist attack (my pants being the United States, eh you get the idea…)

Finally I found a machine that sold little napkin packages, but it only took 1 yuan coins and I only had 1 yuan bills (no, that didn’t happen…) so I had to like explain to people who work cash registers in my broken chinese why I wanted the coins instead of the bills.

It’d be like if someone was trying to urgently trade you two nickels for a dime. You’d think they had mental problems.

Anyhow, I think China needs to realize that if you make something so readily available people won’t abuse it. Unless they’re chinese people. Well, I guess this is sort of a catch-22. For example, McDonalds doesn’t hand out unlimited ketchup in China, the reason is that while you might go to McDonalds and see that as ketchup you can use there (you’ve probably got a bottle at home) Chinese people are like “Hey, free ketchup!”

Riding Taxi Cabs In Shenzhen

Welcome to take the Shenzhen Taxi. Please buckle up your seat belt and exit on the right.

This message plays after the driver dips the red vacant sign that starts the meter.  One of the first things that you’ll notice is that there isn’t a female end for the seat belts. And you’ll wish there was.

so from what i understand i put key in and then try and crash pedestrian correct?

so from what i understand i put key in and then try and crash pedestrian, correct?


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i ate dog again

I willingly ate a dog skewer this weekend. I jokingly said to the street vendor “gourou” and he grabbed a skewer and put it on the grill. it looked like lamb. i was sort of curious to try it when i knew what i was eating so i didn’t stop him. this sort of thing takes on a life of its own. There’s something almost sexually deviant in eating things youre not supposed to eat. Like putting something where it shouldn’t go. There’s an excitement to it in any case.

And i dont know how to say “just kidding” in chinese.

i dont know if there’s a word for joking.

the chinese do not have a rich tradition of joking.

“you say you want gourou, you eat gourou!”

It was pretty good.

i’m back in LA in two weeks. my friend felix says he must eat it once per week. imagine if i’m out at 3am, cruising the streets of monterrey park and alhambra, looking for dogmeat like a junkie might look for heroin.

Part of what i’m experiencing is what anthropologists call “going native”. The stress involved in being in another culture and country, the pressure to conform to the local standards– it may be all of this however I have not really tried to conform in any other ways. I guess to me eating dog is the crown jewel of cultural weirdness here, in my mind, and I did it to pay some sort of penance. The way Greeks visiting Rome may have allowed themselves to be apart of barbaric and painful blood rituals in order to show affinity.

Also, as mentioned, it tastes pretty good.

a serious HK journalist being culturally insensitive

a serious HK journalist being culturally insensitive

Turning Chinese: Spitting and Littering


I have always been one to spit, or to cough up phlegm and then spit it out. People think I do this because I’m learning from the Chinese but really I’ve always done this.

In Hong Kong, it’s illegal to spit on the ground. “You will get a penalty!” my friend warned me. A penalty I guess is like a ticket. 1500 Hong Kong Dollars ($150) to be exact.

Also, I’m a bit of a litterbug when it comes to small things: cigarettes, wrappers, etc. In China the ground is your trashcan, in Hong Kong they take a similar stance to spitting, although there are trashcans everywhere with messages like “Love Our City!”.

If you’re eating something with shells or bones, in China they go on the ground. I would imagine you’d get thrown out of a restaurant in the US for this but really it’s easier for them to hire someone low waged to sweep it all up than to have waiters clean all the tables.

Walk around late at night on a busy street in a city in China and it looks like hell: shells, bones, lettuce, broken Tsingtao bottles, noodles, rice, misc rubbish, etc. By morning it’s as clean as a whistle. A dirty, smelly, chinese made whistle. But it looks clean!

I like this sort of thing.

Of course the seafood areas reek like seafood because it has so permeated the streets and sidewalks, but shouldn’t seafood areas smell like seafood?

The Infamous Chinese Toilet

I had to use one. The Chinese toilet that is.

It’s a popular design in other countries in Asia also. My friend Wesley claims its actually “cleaner”.

Local Wai Laos call it the “high dive” or “long drop” and once you use it, you’ll see why.

I thought I would never use it, but like eating dog, you can’t always choose these things.

The night started off normal enough. I shared a Chicken hot pot with a friend from Hong Kong and had a few beers and a dozen cigs. As I was leaving the restaurant to go to Maya City (which deserves its own post) I suddenly became very sure that i would need a toilet soon.

Since Maya City is an opulent spa with waterfalls and every convenience and amenity I was sure I would find a western toilet. As Plato says, only the fools are certain.

So there I was.

I was wearing a towel having just showered and I took the towel off and hung it on the hook and did my business. It was weird. It took athleticism. It wasn’t so bad.

God works in mysterious ways. That I not only had on only a towel and had a shower 10 feet away was certainly a gift, and without those two, i’m not sure I could have done it without incident.

But Wesley is right, there is something more clean and um, efficient, about it.

Thanksgiving In Changsha, Hunan Province

IMG_0302

Shenzhen is full of thieves, prostitutes and hustlers.

That  said, it has a bad side too.


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MyRedChina Server Outage

I apologize if you tried to access my blog and were not able to. My server was down and this happens all the time.

I usually just write the admins pure nonsense to bump my help ticket up. This time I chose a chinese theme:

Reset Please


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Shopping For Produce In China

Shenzhen 11-21

Now let’s say you want to buy some produce at the supermarket. Naturally you’ll make your selections, bag em up, and bring them with the rest of your grocceries to the front of the store. In China it’s a little different.


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Adjust Your Shower/Water Heater In China

instant water heater dials

To See A Larger Image Click here.

Because I was taking warm for 1 minute then freezing showers for the last week or so (and assuming I was maliciously given a faulty shower) I am sharing this in case you are having trouble with your shower in China (and can access this page) and need help.

The thing about water heaters in China is that they are instant water heaters— they heat water on the fly— whereas in the US and other places we have big hot water heaters with tanks full of water being kept warm at all times.

These save space and might be more efficient.

Left to Right:

The first knob is water volume.

If you routinely take short showers turn the knob to the left (away from the character for “many people”).  I’d leave it on the many people setting unless you like a machine making your shower decisions for you.


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